So it happened again last night and it got me thinking, "which is better - My Self Respect or Something that will make me happy with or without my self respect?"
I never really got an answer to this one. But whenever I got a chance to select one, I always chose my self respect. Everybody told me to do so and I did it every single time. But deep down inside I always wanted to go with my happiness.I might be a highly respected person in my own eyes but I never really felt happy. People told me that learn to respect yourself first then others will respect you. Even after doing that for ages now I still don't see anybody respecting me or loving me. Worst, even I don't love myself anymore. I was the most self-obsessed person and today I can't even look at myself in the mirror. My self respect gave me nothing but regrets in life. Regret of not choosing my happiness and letting it go so easily. I kept on leaving people in the name of self respect and today I am living alone with my self respect.
I know respecting yourself is important. But I used it as an excuse for running away. Whenever I saw that somethings gonna hurt me badly I ran away and covered it with my self respect. After all these years I just know that it gave me nothing except a false impression of happiness that I was strong enough to face anything and anyone but in reality I am just a lonely person who never tried enough to get something she really wanted.
Its a tough choice to make. I don't know if I am right or not. But I don't think my self respect will really make me happy when I don't have what I really love. We can't live this life alone. We need people. Nobody's gonna gift us our happiness. We gotta fight to earn it even at the cost of our self respect and ego. I choose to be happy and not alone even if I have to go through any kind of shit because I am nothing without people I love. I will not give up in the name of my self respect anymore.
I never really got an answer to this one. But whenever I got a chance to select one, I always chose my self respect. Everybody told me to do so and I did it every single time. But deep down inside I always wanted to go with my happiness.I might be a highly respected person in my own eyes but I never really felt happy. People told me that learn to respect yourself first then others will respect you. Even after doing that for ages now I still don't see anybody respecting me or loving me. Worst, even I don't love myself anymore. I was the most self-obsessed person and today I can't even look at myself in the mirror. My self respect gave me nothing but regrets in life. Regret of not choosing my happiness and letting it go so easily. I kept on leaving people in the name of self respect and today I am living alone with my self respect.
I know respecting yourself is important. But I used it as an excuse for running away. Whenever I saw that somethings gonna hurt me badly I ran away and covered it with my self respect. After all these years I just know that it gave me nothing except a false impression of happiness that I was strong enough to face anything and anyone but in reality I am just a lonely person who never tried enough to get something she really wanted.
Its a tough choice to make. I don't know if I am right or not. But I don't think my self respect will really make me happy when I don't have what I really love. We can't live this life alone. We need people. Nobody's gonna gift us our happiness. We gotta fight to earn it even at the cost of our self respect and ego. I choose to be happy and not alone even if I have to go through any kind of shit because I am nothing without people I love. I will not give up in the name of my self respect anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment