सपने थे सारे जो देखा करती थी
अपनी आँखों को बंद कर घंटों कुछ कुछ सोचती रहती थी
जब जब आंख खुलती थी सपना टूटता और मैं डर सी जाती थी
फिर उठके खुद को प्यार से समझाती, तो क्या हुआ  सपना ही तो था जो टूट गया
फिर नए सपने देखने की तलाश में गहरी नींद में चली जाती थी

हर सपना मेरा कुछ कुछ नींद चुरा लेता था मेरी
आलम ऐसा हुआ की आंखें नींद से और नींद सपनो से कतराने लगी
अब मिल जाते हैं जब कभी मुझसे मेरे सपने
मुह फेर के निकल जाते हैं जैसे मुझे कभी जाना ही नही
अजनबी हुए मुझसे मेरे सपने, अब मुझे पहचानते   नही

हू क्या मैं उन सपनों की लहरों के बिना
जो मुझे कभी भी कहीं भी बहा ले जाती थी
तैरना आता तो दुख ना होता
पर अब इन लहरों के बिना बस डूबती ही जाती हूँ

Self Love

There was a time when people cared about each other, felt bad at the misery of a total stranger, helped one another without selfish reasons. Its all gone now. Why? Because we are dwelling so much into so called self love.  Now the entire emphasis have shifted towards self. Self has become more important than anything else. Every other post on social media talks about how self-love will give us satisfaction and happiness. I agree loving our self no doubt should be on the top of the list but we need to understand the importance of showing care and empathy to others. Showing a little compassion can do wonders to somebody's life. 

Why are we so scared to give out love? Why do we keep it to ourselves. Love surely doesn't hurt. It, in fact, is one of the most satisfying feeling. What hurts is when we start expecting the same from others. Give and stop worrying about the returns. It is not an investment, not a business deal. If our concern can save somebody, then it is worth it. Being indifferent, inattentive is no less than being mean. 

Love yourself but spread love around you too. Contribute to making this world a better place to live for everybody. If we will just be busy with our own selves all the time, we will forever be alone. That was definitely not the concept behind building this world. We co-exist for a reason. 

Be kind. Be empathetic. Spread love.  

Last One

I think and I think what I love the most
Is it the stars or the snow or the raindrops.
I love them all but not as much as I love him though,
His sweet voice, his deep eyes and his beautiful nose.

Regardless of life's rough days
I often dream about happiness and I see his face
I look into his eyes and I feel safe inside
Knowing there is a place there where I can forever hide.

Years later if I'll ever get a chance, I will tell him this
My life with him has been nothing but a beautiful trip.
Out of all the days I've lived through yet
My best are the ones with him in it.

What do you do when the wonderful world of your dreams comes to end, when you lose all hope of getting it back.  It happened to me and I reacted in the most insane way possible. I thought shutting myself from the world will keep me away from anymore troubles. I dissolved myself totally in work. I thought if there won't be anybody in my life, there would be no troubles. Little did I knew that I was the only trouble in my life and what was happening was all because of my choices and actions. When I realized this, 1.5 yrs had almost past. Coming back to the real world after so much time was a task. I was totally clueless of what to do, how to behave. Just like a little new born baby who knows nothing about the world. I needed somebody to hold my hands walk me through it. There were a few who helped me stand but I had to learn to walk again myself. I thought after coming back from such a shock I had every right to be what I wanted to. I treated people the way I felt like. I don't know if I used anybody in anyway. I became the worst of the worst. Trust me, self pity is the biggest mistake anybody could ever make. I did just exactly that and named it independence. Today when somebody tells me there is something wrong with me or my behaviour, I don't fight with them. Not because I don't care what people think. Its because I know they are right about me, because I know I can't help myself anymore. Its because I am not brave enough to tell the world that I have given up.
Miseries make us forget that we are not the only one suffering. Life is unfair to all and each one of us go through something or the other. What we should not do is become negative. Negativity makes us numb and stupid. It takes away our power to think rationally. I realize this everyday. No matter how much I want to go back to being who I was, I am not able to. I invite problems to come visit me. I land myself in troubles again and again. Life has become a viscious circle of complications. A quicksand from where I am not able to rise. Nobody dragged me to this place. I did it myself.
My dream was to lead a simple life, be a normal girl, have a career, love somebody and get love in return, to get married at 27 when most girls do, to have patience like my mom & sister,  to travel around the world with people I love, to be full of dreams, to not be in troubles, to not be so crazy and stubborn, not be so independent.

Self Respect Vs Happiness!!

So it happened again last night and it got me thinking, "which is better - My Self Respect or Something that will make me happy with or without  my self respect?"
I never really got an answer to this one. But whenever I got a chance to select one, I always chose my self respect. Everybody told me to do so and I did it every single time. But deep down inside I always wanted to go with my happiness.I might be a highly respected person in my own eyes but I never really felt happy. People told me that learn to respect yourself first then others will respect you. Even after doing that for ages now I still don't see anybody respecting me or loving me. Worst, even I don't love myself anymore. I was the most self-obsessed person and today I can't even look at myself in the mirror. My self respect gave me nothing but regrets in life. Regret of not choosing my happiness and letting it go so easily. I kept on leaving people in the name of self respect and today I am living alone with my self respect.
I know respecting yourself is important. But I used it as an excuse for running away. Whenever I saw that somethings gonna hurt me badly I ran away and covered it with my self respect. After all these years I just know that it gave me nothing except a false impression of happiness that I was strong enough to face anything and anyone but in reality I am just a lonely person who never tried enough to get something she really wanted.
Its a tough choice to make. I don't know if I am right or not. But I don't think my self respect will really make me happy when I don't have what I really love. We can't live this life alone. We need people. Nobody's gonna gift us our happiness. We gotta fight to earn it even at the cost of our self respect and ego. I choose to be happy and not alone even if I have to go through any kind of shit because I am nothing without people I love. I will not give up in the name of my self respect anymore. 

The Two Sides of Me !!

"I am simple girl with a complex mind"

The two sides of me start from this very statement. If you look at me I'll appear normal and simple to you but if you'll dwell deeper you will see how complex a person I am. Sometimes it even gets hard for me to understand myself. 

I am the kinds who take everything very-very seriously yet when you will meet me you will think of me as a frivolous girl. I generally care a lot for people but that care reaches to such level sometimes that it transforms to anger or insecurity. You will find me as a very confident person, but I am someone who panics even in small-small situation. Yes I lose my mind and start shivering, the moment anything goes wrong. The confident me have a thousands of broken unrepairable pieces inside. I am a big attention seeker. So if I start drifting away from you that means I am seeking your attention. I am going away because I want you to stop me.

I do all those things I shouldn't be doing with my closed one like I shout at them, I fight with them, I say anything to them when I am angry without even thinking once. That's because I follow a philosophy that the people who are close to me will understand my anger, my words better than anyone else. I will not be misinterpreted by them. And that they will not think bad of me after that also. I find it better to show my loved ones my "worst side" than showing it to a stranger or a not-so-important person. So it's like when I am angry with someone and I say something bad or act weird, it means I consider them important.

You may find me taking instant decisions but in reality am not a good decision maker. I think upon things so much that I am unable to make any decisions properly. I get so confused that I pick up any option and go with it.
When I am back bitching about someone I love what I am actually doing is taking out all my anger and bad thoughts so I can love that person again without any doubt or complaint.

I have some different techniques and philosophies to handle my life. I don't sound that normal but this is me. Girl who likes to make her life complex and different. Who likes every part of her life to be exciting and happening even if she has to make that up.
There is a me that I hide.. To put it, the Kriti you see outside is way too different from what she's inside. I am not a difficult person but I show myself as one so I can see who loves me enough to understand me beyond my imperfections. :-)


(I know this post is not related to my dreams which is the theme of this blog, but I want people to understand me the way I am so they can understand my dreams better.)

Drums and Boxing !!

Sounds tomboyish but from a very small age I was very much interested in these two activities. Everyday dad used to play with me and he was the one who taught me a few punches. It was just a child's play then. But as I grew older my interest rose.

Now the reason why both interest me goes like this -

Boxing for me is a fighter's game. A fighter never gives up. And that is exactly what this game inspires me to do- to stand back and fight whenever life knocks me down. It even teaches the skill to save yourself from getting hurt while boxing (for me boxing here means living life). Boxing for me is more than a game.. Its more of a childhood memory with my dad :) .. It reminds me of the time when daily dad used to come home from office and play with me..Hopefully I will get my boxing kit soon :D

Drums ... Music is something that can make me laugh and can also make me cry. Most of d time it helps me when I am angry or annoyed or irritated.
Drums is something on which you can bring out all your anger. More than any other music, sound of drum beats soothes me the most.
I believe that it will help me relax my mind.. That is the reason I wanna learn drums :)

I still don't have any of the two. But my interest and wish to learn both is very much alive. Hope someday I will :) ..